Relationships

Becoming parents: impacts on your relationship

If you come from a background where women are expected to be entirely responsible for caring for children, you may find the idea of ‘sharing parenting’ challenging. Gender roles may differ greatly to what you’ve been used to. Make an effort to make changes that will support your partner such as learning to do a few chores at home, learning to cook a few dishes and looking after your child and sharing responsibilities.

Discuss the role you each want to have, common goals and how you plan to achieve them. This may include planning how you will pass on traditions, morals, language and values from your background. Clarify what these are for both of you, as a couple.

Children learn how to behave from watching the way their parents, carers and families interact with each other. Stress related to financial worries, work pressures, illness, death in the family, moving, adjusting to life in a new country and being new parents is expected, with or without extended family and community support. But remember that it takes time to adjust to becoming a parent. If anxiety and stress continue and start affecting your relationship with your partner, it is okay to seek support from counselling and relationship helplines.

For a safe and private conversation about any relationship struggles and strategies to help you overcome them, call 1300 789 978 or find support online at MensLine Australia.

Sharing parenting

Some tips to help you and your partner share parenting responsibilities:

  • Work as a team with your partner. Talk about how you will share parenting responsibilities and make plans together about what each of you will do to share the care of your child and housework.
  • Take a break or alternate the time when each of you cares for your child. This gives each of you time to rest or do other activities.
  • Sharing parenting work will help you develop your connection and communication with your child from a young age and set a positive example as an involved and caring parent.
  • Sharing parenting is also part of supporting your partner and helps strengthen your relationship as a couple.

If you are unsure about how to share parenting or carry out caring tasks, check out the organisations under the ‘Family and parenting’ section. There are websites, help lines and online chats to help you with advice on parenting.

Other family situations

If you are separated from your partner and will be away from your child’s home, you can still have a positive role.

Supporting your partner: mental health

There are many ways you can support your partner during early parenthood and at other times.

  • Learn about pregnancy and how you can support your partner during pregnancy and after birth. Some resources you can look at:
  • Learn about maternal mental health and wellbeing with your partner
  • Communicate regularly.
  • Share caring for your child and household chores.
  • Try to understand your partner’s needs as a new parent. They will also be undergoing many changes in their life and adapting to their new role.
  • If your partner is new to Australia or does not have family here, they may also be feeling isolated, missing their usual support networks and family. Encourage your partner to socialise through community programs (e.g. attending Community Hubs or prenatal courses) where they can meet other expectant parents and members of the local community.
  • You can check how you and/or your partner are going at PANDA or call 1300 726 306. Consult with your health professional if you have any concerns.
  • If you or your partner are experiencing difficulties, ask for support.
  • For mental health concerns, call Beyondblue support service: 1300 22 46 36

If you are concerned about your partner, it is important to talk to them about seeking professional help. Seeking help together is a good way to support your partner. You can do this by talking to your GP and they can assist you in finding the help you need.

Here are some tips that can help you support your partner if they are experiencing mental health problems or a mental illness:

  • If your partner is having language difficulties understanding their medical practitioners, ask the medical practice for interpreting support which is usually available free of charge.
  • Talk to your doctor about your partner’s mental health to understand what you can do to support them.
  • Treatment of mental health problems or mental illnesses may not be easy or quick and require time and patience. Medications, treatments and health professionals work differently for every person. You will need to be patient to find the right combination.
  • Identify what makes things more difficult for your partner and consider ways you can reduce their impact.
  • Don’t forget to look after your own health and wellbeing. Getting enough sleep and eating properly is just as important as supporting your partner.
  • Seek support from your community, your friends or relatives in Australia if you have the opportunity.
  • Support groups for carers can offer a supportive environment to talk about your feelings, share experiences and explore ways of coping and solutions.

Carer Gateway

The Australian Government offers free help to all carers that includes counselling, carer forums and support groups, online coaching sessions, skills courses and advice. Find a service provider in your area, on the Carer Gateway site.